Extra Un-Ordinary

2011-06-29T00:10:00.001-07:00

i`m losing my mind.

better grab ya guns cuz i`m ready to die

2009-07-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

i`m ready to die && nobody can save me

when i die fuck it i wanna go 2 hell
cuz ima piece of shit
it aint hard 2 fuckin tell
dont make sense goin 2 hell widd al lthe goodie goodies
dressed in white
i wear black tims && black hoodies
nigga

slavebucks

2009-06-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

son i felt like my fuckin mom 2day out workin for like 12 hrs && then gotta to bum ass chinatown to get food for my sis cuz she graduated and i gotta get her somethin nice so i got her this chinese food she likes .. then i found khaalida bag at school and had to carry that shit all day so i was carrying like 4 bags and it was hot as hell .. i was sweating bullets and walking and all tired and old feeling man .. its horrible i can`t wait till one day all my hard work just pays off and i become rich so my mom can stop sweatshoppin && my pops can just sit back and enjoy life. he looks so tired all the time i feel like shit cuz i makeh im pick me up after work sometimes on his way home from work and he has to wake me up for school and he gotta do mom and dad respon sibliliyes
i just wish we coulda just been born into a hardworking rich ass family that would be nice ..
all these starbucks ppl got madd money dropping 100 dollar bills on the counter and when it comes to tip jar .. they jus drop the pennies and keep the silvers its like damn .. niggas gotta eat too man.
i swear i work so damn hard for that bitch ass company man i got callus and shit all over my hands and feet .. i be sweepin && moppin till my hand cramps
drink after drink and customers just bitch all the time like they cant wait 3 fucking minutes for their drink they gotta have it right now .. like wow
come on now

yearbook.

2009-06-09T17:55:00.001-07:00

ok .. i`m a sap.
So .. we got yearbooks today ..
&& it`s really sad .. i`m not gonna lie.
leaving this school is a bittersweet moment.
after looking through the yearbooks i realize that i am really gonna miss more people than i thought.
it`s crazy how much i`ve grown these past 4 years.
i didn`t even think i was ever going to graduate .. && here it is staring me in the face, only a couple weeks away .. it`s fucking amazing.

anyways .. according to di signings ..
i concluded ..
1. i`m hella funny.
2. i`m gonna be somebody in life
3. everyone thinks i`m gonna do real great in college
4. i introduce niggas to weed .. && other.

lol.

i don`t know what i`m doing here.

2009-06-08T19:48:00.001-07:00

Graduation is coming up very soon .. && i can just taste it ..
i`m so glad to be leaving this damn school.
yeah .. I met some great people here .. some people i hope to be friends with after HS .. but mostly, i also met some pretty horrible, ignorant people && it`s sad that our generation is growin up this way.
I hope we become a legacy, as the 1st graduating class of UAMA, but i hope not to become and example to the others waiting to follow in our footsteps .. cuz we were a fuckin horrible example of grown, mature college bound kids.
I am gonna miss the people I will lose in touch with that i wanted to stay in touch with .. but madd people are leaving to go to college out of city or state.
Ima just stay right here .. @ good old Brooklyn College.
I know i`m not in the least bit ready for college right now .. but when i get there in the fall .. best believe ima work my ass off && graduate with honors.
Neither of my parents graduated college .. my moms didn`t even go to high school ..
so i bet they`ll be damn well proud of me if they see me graduate .. && if they`re not oh well.

I just wanna make something of myself && prove EVERYONE wrong .. when everyone thought I was a good for nothin piece of shit .. when i was doin drugs && never went to school like a dumbass .. nobody thought i was gonna be anything or do anything with my life && i wanna prove niggas wrong

i`m not gonna become another statistic or victim to the streets type person .. ima rise up && make something of myself && be somebody.

I wish everyone at UAMA could feel && understand the potential they have .. if they just tried.
anyone && everyone at this school is capable of doing ANYTHING they put their mind to ..
&& i don`t mean to be all like sappy && cliche && Shit but its true.

when I was 14/15 .. My dream was to drop out .. && go to fuckin jobcorps or get my GED like all my friends .. chill on the streets && just enjoy life with my friends && my drugs.

After having to sleep on park benches && subway trains, beg for money, steal shit, && degrade yourself just for fuckin bags of drugs .. you get pretty tired of the streets real quick.

if i can do a complete 360 && actually be accepted to colleges .. anyone can do that shit ..

as long as you`re willing to put the damn effort into it.

2009-03-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

i gave 2 do a post on this stuff

i worked from open to close on sunday .. that shit was od.
like 16/15 fuckin hours.

maryann hammers adds
"Caffeine addicts aren't the only fans of Starbucks, a corporate legend that serves up warm fuzzies with its cold frappuccinos. The company's rich benefit blend keeps turnover low and employee satisfaction high. And that's why it's the Optimas Award winner for Quality of Life. "

so .. at least i`m gettin benifits n shit from working. so i agree with her.
even though i work madd much.

so theres work n theres budd

Katt Williams - Weed
Uploaded by leprcn623

katt williams is hella funny

2009-03-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

i don`t be havin the time to blog anymore man
idk what to even blog about
i`m too lazy to type shit
ms dj said we gotta put up pics so here we go

fuck man i cnt even put up a pic whats up with that
why is there no right click buttons on laptops
how the hell can u copy n paste shit without a right click button man

schol is mad wack i cant wait to get outta uama
i fuckin hate being here
its like wakin up everyday to a big ass ugly annoying like .. pimple everyday on your face man
u wanna pop that shit n get over it but u gotta wait
do that make sense

2009-03-08T18:32:00.001-07:00

Back from texas.
so much to say .. too lazy to write.
i`ll keep it in for right now
=)

2009-02-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

i`m not me anymore.
i`m a shell of what i used to be
i guess i`m changing
becoming a different person and learnin from this experiences
i can`t believe i let myself be the fool
and it aint never gonna happen again
that i let a man take control over my emotions again

2009-02-18T11:29:00.001-08:00

i`m stuck in a rut.
whatever that means.

2009-02-11T11:08:00.000-08:00

HSV-1 is the most commonly acquired form of herpes and is typically spread through a social kiss such as that of a family member. Due to the lack of immune response in children, new HSV-1 infections typically occur in childhood.
Update: "Recent research indicates that HSV 1 is probably not more easily acquired than HSV 2. And now, the average age of acquisition of HSV 1 is in the teens, rather than childhood" according to a licensed healthcare provider.

By the time that child reaches adulthood, they will be one of 50% of American’s living with HSV-1. By the time a person reaches the age of 50, they will be one of 80-90% of those who carry HSV-1.

damnn .. look around. i bet 1 out of every 2 people around you has herpes && doesn`t know it.

2009-02-07T13:12:00.001-08:00

yoo .. i kinda wanna be skinny so i would look good doin drugs.
skinny skinny people look madd good doin drugs
i can`t explain it but its hot.

100 things to know about a woman

2009-02-03T17:59:00.001-08:00

mancouch.

100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from K-Mart. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Ginger, 27

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her “Gwen” might be bottled.

84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best BJ you’ve ever had.

78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Alicia S, 21

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Amanda, 31

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man is between 5’10 and 6’2.

63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35

58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” - Erin 25.

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking fine,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Gin and or Vodka helps.

45. Twenty-three percent of men’s magazine readers are women.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal, which some men are into, but I think is border line homosexual.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Camille, 28

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

34. Chick songs strike a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Alicia Keys song. It’s only about four minutes long.

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Nasty!

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 26

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some strippers’ cleavage.

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

19. The more piercing she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Amanda, 28

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

11. She likes one of your friends.

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oreal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. Five really means somewhere between 12 and 35

Are women still confusing and hard to figure out?

Sooo ...

2009-01-29T21:55:00.000-08:00

Saturday is the semi-finals round of the urban word competition.
It`s at the Nuyorican poets cafe.
I didn`t even finish writing my poem.
&& I gotta memorize.
of course .. I could improvise the whole thing.
Which i think i might do.
wish me luck.
=)

2009-01-24T21:09:00.000-08:00

When people have nothing better to say or just feel like they just need to say something (cuz they talk alot && like attention), they complain.

January 20th, 2009

2009-01-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

i`m soo fuckin sickk =/
i got the chills && my throat feels like someone put a blowtorch on that shit.
scorched && dry.
&& that phlegm shit is choking me to death.

but the inauguration was fuckin amaziing.

2009-01-19T18:34:00.000-08:00

I thought that you of all people would understand where i`m comin from.
I never lie to you.
And you told me not to hide things from you.
You wanted to know me.
I give it all to you and i trust you to understand && not judge me.
don`t throw it back in my face please.

2009-01-19T18:07:00.000-08:00

A relationship means being able to understand one another.
No lies, no censorship.
We should be able to tell each other ANYTHING that is going on in our minds or hearts.
We need to be able to communicate together evenly.
The strongest relationships gotta without a doubt be able to withstand anything.
Any problem/roadblock/fight/argument .. anything at all.
I`ve been putting this in && committed to 110 fuckin percent.
but I feel so one-sided right now.

2009-01-19T17:24:00.000-08:00

How the fuck can i use this blog to talk about how i really feel and think when people keep getting upset at shit?
isn`t this my blog? aren`t i able to talk about whatever the fuck i wanna talk about?
so i have to hold my tongue cuz people i love don`t wanna hear about it ?
what the fuck kinda shit is that ?
if they don`t wanna hear about it then who the fuck do i tell? myself?
but they wanna know whats going on .. they want me to be me .. the real me.
so why u gotta be do hypocritical ?
I have serious shit in my life i wanna talk about and you`re the one getting upset?
aren`t i supposed to be the upset one?
so you`re gonna get upset and make it sound like our relationship is in jeopardy. instead of helping me .. or talking to me about it like you said you wanted to.
smart move.
so now i have to wait almost a whole fucking month till you come back so we can talk about it ?
and what do i have to do .. sit here and worry. cuz you said i should be worried.
don`t we love each other? what happened to the support system we had?
i still love you.
i have no idea what`s going on in your head or your heart.
so please clue me in && let me know whats going on.
tell me you still care && don`t make it sound like we`re in jeopardy.
or did you leave all that levelheadedness in Brooklyn?

To everyone:
Don`t EVER tell me that I should be worried. About ANYTHING. Let me do that on my own.

2009-01-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BiRTHDAY AMY <3
yay 4 restaurants with really really good food =D
&& phantom of teh opera.

2009-01-16T20:31:00.000-08:00

i gotta head to work in 5 1/2 hours.
5:00 in the muthafuckiin morn.
and i just left from work 3 hours ago.
i been there since noon today.
that`s ODDD man
i got like 4 hours to go && sleep
now.
chill homiee

2009-01-16T20:22:00.000-08:00

i`m procrastinating.
i never find time to write.
&& my eyes feel so heavy right now but i can`t sleep.
urban word semi finals thing is the 31st.
Nuyorican poets cafe.
3-6 PM.
i can`t use my poem cuz of wack ass content restrictions ..
how the fuck can you put censorship on poetry? on how you feel && what you think?
that`s wackk as HELL.
wackerr than like bum ass bus drivers that see someone running && drive away.
so i gotta like think of new material
and have it ready/willing/able and memorized by then.
i only get one chance at this.
i better make it count.

2009-01-12T19:53:00.000-08:00

ms DJ wants me to do her essay.
i don`t wanna let her down.
college applications are due.
i gotta do those.
but i had to go to work today.
&& friday/saturday/sunday.
i needed those extra hours.
and now it`s 11 PM monday night && i didn`t do shit.
all this shit is like due tomorrow.
so instead of doing the work
i said fuck it && got high.
and i`ll put it off AGAIN till tomorrow.
that`s how i roll.

2009-01-07T16:15:00.000-08:00

i`m so fuckin fat.
i`m tryin to go on a diet and it`s not workin ..
wtf am i supposed to do ?

Life really takes a toll on you ..

2009-01-06T10:07:00.001-08:00

Yeah, it does ..
Mixing school, work, friends, family .. it`s too much sometimes. I don`t have time for myself and it sucks
I remember when all I used to do was chill with peoples and get high and shit
That was fun cuz I didn`t worry about anything.
Now it`s like .. damn .. what the fuck ?
I don`t wanna fuckin think anymore. Or anything.
I really need to take like a break or a vacation before I like blow a fuse or some shit man.
&& missing my boyfriend doesn`t help.
He won`t be back till like mid Feb. right before Valentines day.
I miss him but i`m glad I got a break from him && he got a break from me.
Even though I got a break from him .. I still don`t have a break for myself.
This shit is killing me man.
I have no energy to do anthing i really actually want to do.

Resolutions ..

2009-01-02T21:15:00.000-08:00

My resolutions for the new year ..

Take better care of my body.
As in .. get in shape .. be healthy .. all that good stuff.
Lose weight like every other person`s resolution is.

Don`t smoke anything.

Cuz that shits just bad for you ..

Work on managing my stress.
Cuz I worry too much for my own good, and that takes a huge toll on my life.
I can`t get shit done or enjoy anything when i`m worried.

Stop being scared ..
&& just live life. I don`t know why the fuck I was being all scared this year ..
Didn`t wanna take risks cuz I thought I was going to fuck up. I can`t do anything right
Which also leads into my next resolution ..

Try to be more confident && better self - esteem.

Cuz I guess deserve better and I am better, right?

Drink Less or don`t drink at all.
I have no control over my drinking && I have no self control at all when i`m drunk.
That shit can be scary sometimes man. I hate waking up not knowing what happened or how I got there. I gotta either have to know when enough is enough or not drink at all.
&& I bet those AA meetings suck anyways .. Who the hell wants that to be their last resort?

Think about me.
Cuz I`m too busy tending to everyone else && no one helps me. So I should do myself a favor && help myself every now && then.

Slow down.
I need to like .. stop && smell the roses .. take the time to enjoy life. I need to let go && live.

Yeah so that looks like a good list .. && it will keep me busy for a while .. let`s see how many I can follow through on ..
Actually .. I should also ..

Learn to follow through on goals && "promises" I make for myself.

2009-01-02T17:03:00.000-08:00

&& happy belated new year ..
too bad i didn`t remember mine.
i was drunk as hell.

I got a whole bunch of new years resolutions .. but they`ll probably won`t work anyways

2008-12-27T20:53:00.001-08:00

Merry Belated Xmas.
=)

THROWWBACKK !

2008-12-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

yeah so I was bored .. looking through shit
&& I found some old ass throwback pics && poems from yours truly.
It`s crazy to see how much i`ve grown.
i`m such a completely different person now.

^^^ yeah .. I had to be like 12-14 in those pics .. && now i`m thinking .. what the fuck is a 12-14 yr. old doing with a tounge && lip piercing, makeup, taking pics on a webcam, && doing god (&& I) knows what else .. ?
I was && still am too grown for my own good.
I don`t even remember having a childhood .. I had to grow up fast because of whatever shit happened to me when I was young ..
I want a chance to be the kid I never got to be.
No drugs, No pain, No stress, No heartbreak.
Just careless fun && innocence.

OKKKK .. no more .. i`m starting to sound odee EMO.

I`m gonna end this with a goodnitee =)
I`ll post throwback poems && shit l8ter.
Quincy I love you <3

We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves - May Lamberton

Wack poem

2008-12-11T19:01:00.001-08:00

Cuz i`m bored.
Enjoy the corny video game references =)

It`s a war zone down there && I can`t sleep.
Bombs are being thrown
Bullets firing
I feel like running for cover cuz of all the yelling && screaming.
It`s a war zone down there && I can`t sleep
especially since my man is the biggest suspect.
He`s been drafted into this war for years now,
fighting mystical creatures since he was young
&& like laundry being dried out && hung
he just drifts in the wind
running round fantasy deserts && deserted plains.
Getting caught bombing in the war torn rain.
&& I always pray that he`ll be okay
but he say
I`ll be up in a minute.
As I anxiously wait upstairs for his triumphant return
I`m scared he is MIA.
Missing in the action packed suspense of his game.
I want so badly for him to cuddle up with me in bed before I go insane
But he can`t .. && he don`t
Cuz it`s a war zone down there && he won`t sleep.
As he`s racing through dark alleyways of Metal Gear Solid && Halo 3
My mind is racing through thoughts
hoping leaving him won`t be my final fantasy.
Because I love him too much
But he won`t come to sleep
Until his friends finally sign offline
&& he murders every last enemy.
Constant zoning out && button mashing are my only fondest memories.
Cuz it`s a war zone down there && neither of us can sleep.
Now he finally returns as a Prisoner Of War.
Xbox && PS3 have captured his mind.
They torture me so bad when they make him play one more time
&& he can`t escape when vibrating controllers take hold of his tired fingers && eyes.
They look dry && bloodshot upon his return.
Redder than any enemy blood after bombings && burns.
Then he comes over to lay next to me.
I feel him gently kiss me on the cheek
Yet i`m quietly pretending to be asleep
so he won`t see my tears.
All choked up
not knowing what to do or say
Cuz I know he`s going to fight again
the very next day.
It`s a war zone down there && we can`t sleep.
When will there finally be peace ?

Reflection

2008-12-11T18:31:00.000-08:00

So I have to reflect on my english project ..

The topic I`m writing about is food security. I`ve written about it before but I`m really interested and this project involves like a art related piece .. so it would be cool to do a collage or photo montage or something about it.

I don`t really have alot to say right now .. i`m real tired and not in a bloggin mood ..
I haven`t slept enough this whole week

But then again I can`t complain .. Ms. Arkin loses tons of sleep because she`s up worrying about us or working on our college stuff ..
And I bet all our teachers deal with the same ..
i probably get so much more sleep than them .. but still i`m tired .. i don`t have enough sleep to function ..

anyways .. food security .. not enough healthy produce in low income neighborhoods .. homeless with not enough food to eat .. food pantries and shelters with not enough food to give out .. growing obesity and diabetes problem .. recession causing unemployment to rise, causing homeless population to rise .. healthy food costs too much for people .. too much fast food and unhealthy food in low income neighborhoods all over NYC .. you get the point.

I`m looking foward to writing more about the issue and doing a cool photo collage or documentary =)

If only I didn`t have all this work to do.
The pressure is killing me.

December 10th, 2008

2008-12-10T19:03:00.000-08:00

I feel extra lonely today =/
Today is real bummy ..

I actually did homework today .. 1st time in like a year man
and I really like sat down and did that shit .. and when I finished I had madd papers
with work on it ..
Bad thing is .. I didn`t finish my homework.

Check out Postsecret this week ..
It has alott of interesting secrets && I can relate to quite a few
www.postsecret.com

Urban Word discourages me every time I go.

It`s easy to have faith in yourself && have discipline when you`re a winner, when you`re number one. What you`ve got to have is faith && discipline when you`re not yet a winner - Vince Lombardi

November 28th, 2008

2008-11-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

So I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving =)
it`s funny how I always eat more ham than turkey

So how was everyone`s Black Friday?
Whether you participate or not .. it`s OD crazyy ..
This is the 1st time I went shopping on black friday cuz I usually really hate shopping in huge crowded stores .. it`s wayy too chaotic .. but I really wanted to get a TV for my pops for xmas .. he really deserves it .. he works so hard for us to try to have a good life.
Anyways .. waiting on line was KILLER .. we got there at 2AM .. Best buy opened at 5 .. so we hadd quite a long time to wait.
When we got there, the line was already a couple blocks long && it was quickly growing
People were trying to cut lines, and rush ahead .. it was some crazy shit man.
Cops had to patrol the whole shit && get people to cooperate.
Best buy started giving out tickets at 3AM && opened at 5 .. we finally got in at 630 ..
It was insane .. i swear i never seen anything like that in my life .. some people were seriously acting like savages trying to get in
The line had to be AT LEAST half a mile long or more.
We did end up getting what we were looking for, && it was a good sale but damn ..

In Long Island on Black Friday today, a Wal-Mart employee got trampled to death by the shoppers waiting in line .. Link
Thousands of people were lined up to hit the deals at Wal-Mart && when the doors opened up, they ran in and fuckin trampled him man ..
People cracked windows && even dented the metal doors && took them off the hinges ..
When employees were trying to get people out of the store because someone had died, no one even cared .. they just kept shopping

What happened to human beings? Aren`t we supposed to be civilized people? I thought we had morals, ethics. This is some crazy shit .. People were acting like savages && wild animals all for discounted shit we don`t even really need but want .. Things we think we need to survive.
This doesn`t make us any better than any animal that doesn`t know any better .. We`re acting like we don`t know any better .. Like there`s nothing wrong with taking someones life over something like material things.

It`s like we`re slaves to consumer products. We`re slaves to the dollar && the discount.

&& at the same time, as we speak, terrorist attacks are happening in Mumbai, India .. Poeple are being taken hostage, murdered .. lives are being stolen.

We`re not human beings anymore, were monsters.

It`s a damn shame.

The human race will quickly learn to live sustainably once its greatest minds are no longer awestruck by egotistical ideologies and theologies that divide humanity, and no longer find themselves wasting valuable human and natural resources in the development, design, production, marketing and sales of worthles products. - Earon Davis

can`t

2008-11-25T18:26:00.001-08:00

I don`t think i can do this urban word thing.
I went to the 1st meeting thing today and .. damn ..
these people are soo much better than me ..
my shit is like amatuer nursery rhymes compared to their shit.
i`m thinking of just stopping here and not competing.
ima make a damn fool outta myself if i step on stage
i don`t think i`m ready for this.

November 21st, 08

2008-11-21T19:48:00.000-08:00

I made it farther along ..
to the Urban Word semi-finals
=D

Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. - Thomas Gray

hoela.

2008-11-14T19:53:00.000-08:00

i`m scared about tomorrow. nervous. gut wrenching. stomach ache - acid churning .. fear.
i just gotta keep thinking .. i`ll never see these people again. I have nothing to lose. If I do bad, they`ll just be happier that I helped them get closer to winning.
Mabey I should picture the whole naked audience thing .. ?
I don`t even know how big of an audience this is going to be. Hopefully it is just the small group of judges.

Old poem. About my fav. place. Born && raised =)

Brooklyn

My Home.

It smells like ..

The burnin of bud in a rolled philly blunt.

Newport 100 `s smoked to the butt.

Food, a variety to choose from in our diverse meltin pot.

The smell of sweat in the summer, just people havin fun, no front.

It tastes like ..

The cold hard cement, as your almost struck by a stray shot.

Barbeque ribs, burgers && chicken from that party down the block.

Dirty ass money, hustlers oblivious to get caught.

Ashes && debris, 9/11 we bravely fought.

It sounds like ..

Car alarms ringing off, drivers runnin red lights.

The silent hum of bums, surviving the streets with all their might.

The roar of dolla vans along Utica && Flatbush, that `s the Brooklyn life.

Artists workin hard, dreamin to shine with NYC `s bright lights.

It looks like ..

Dirty, filthy subways, the only way to get around.

Those hilarious transit signs of the lost && found.

The home of Big Papa, Brooklyn `s Hip Hop crowned.

Family, friends, food, baby mama drama so loud.

It feels like ..

Up `s && down `s and Highs && low `s.

Noisy, raging, crazy, sexy, cool

&& so,

that `s what makes us so unique, tourists flock to this abode.

No matter what, this will always be

my heart, my soul.

My home.

Brooklyn.

Urban

2008-11-13T18:41:00.000-08:00

Word.

College Fair && Poetry Slam at Madison Sq. Garden .. Sat. 11/15 10AM-5PM
IT`S FREE !
So def. go check it out

www.knickspoetryslam.com
www.urbanwordnyc.com

I think I am gonna audition for that poetry slam .. you get money for college if you win .. so that would be some HOT FiA type shitt =P
The poems have to be a min long. After you get called back from auditions .. you do the whole like semi-finalist/finalist thing and go to some workshops .. but hey .. I really need that college money and I would love to perform .. only .. i`m hella nervous .. I care WAY too much about what people think of me .. and I always think people think negatively towards me so that don`t help ..
Anyways .. this is the poem i`m performing .. it`s like 3 mins. long right now so I`m gonna have to super edit && condense so it can fit the guidelines.
Wish me luck ?
It kinda sucks.

Love.
Dictionary definition :
A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
This is the beautiful feeling I have for my boyfriend, you see,
Behind my slighty slanted almond eyes,
and his deep, dark chocolate skin
lies a love so sweet, even Hershey`s can`t create.
Locked up in chains of passion so strong,
no man can break.
With compassion and caring so nice,
no devil can take.
Well, then how come as soon as we`re out in public
all I can feel is hate ?
As we sit holding hands on the Uptown B
I look around feeling extremely uneasy
I then notice all eyes are on me
and as soon as the doors open up to 34th Street,
A woman walks slowly up to our seat
and that`s when she says -
Stay with your own damn kind.
He don`t want you.
She looks at us disgustingly and leaves
as we stare in speechless shock.
No yelling out curse words,
no flipping the bird,
Just .. Silence.
Like a deer caught in societies headlights,
eyes lost in a whirl
not knowing what to do or say,
or what action to take,
I`m feeling like I gotta hurl,
but all that spews out is - anger
flaming through me higher than a 50 cent crack lighter
and while my boyfriend tries to calm me down a bit faster,
all that runs through my mind now is - confusion.
How - how can we be living in the worlds diverse melting pot,
only to find a leak
and because of ignorance,
we go out and seek -
a quick fix.
As rich culture drips out, racism, sexism, and assimilation
gets poured in
to replace the space with which we create
and a Government band - aid covers the hole to save face.
Now how can we save the face of this earth ?
We all need to learn, not degrade
and we need to teach our children to love, not to hate.
We can`t just see the world in black and white,
and we gotta get together to end the violence and strife
and instead,
willingly replace knives with pens,
and use our mouths as guns
to shoot out words of wisdom and silly puns
to stab out hearts with love and feelings of grace
so we can listen to each other in non - judgemental embrace.
We .. need .. to .. love.
Sitting holding hands on the Uptown B
Now we`ve reached 59th Street
And as I slowly doze off in my boyfriends arms
I picture us twisting and contorting,
morphing - into a beautiful striped bumblebee.
Pollenating words of justice as if it we`re the next best allergy.
Stinging the minds of the ignorant with understanding.
Until they no longer see us in black and yellow,
but in red.
The color of the fire and passion in our souls
and the color of the lust and care in our hearts.
Red.
That`s the color of love.

Yes We Can.

2008-11-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

It`s crazy, I`ve never really felt this way before in my life. I feel .. like .. empowered, mabey even reborn?
I have new hope for the future of my life and for our country.

I`ve actually never been involved in politics before this election. Something in him made me tune in && want to learn && be interested in the politics of this country.
I feel so great that he was elected because I know he will make a change, && because he really did something to people. He made so many people decide to get up && help to change their lives && their future .. he empowered so many people to vote .. people who have never voted in their lives got up && waited on block long lines just to cast their ballot for him. That`s some powerful shit man. I wish I could`ve voted, but now I know I will want to when the time comes that I can vote.

It`s so amazing for me to be a part of such an important piece of history like this. He`s opened up doors for all people of color to persue dreams of higher learning, and power, and he proves that anything is possible. Seriously.

Mabey one day we`ll see an asian, latino, && a woman become president.

Everyone gets stuck in a rut from time to time, and it`s up to us as the United States of America to stand up as one && progress towards a better future for ourselves, and our next generations to come, and I think Obama is going to be the person to lead us in doing that .. Especially with him being bi-racial .. he has seen && experienced both sides of the story, && because he is two ethnicities mixxed as one, he can help us break the color lines and be in unity as one.

I feel like finally, I have a president who won`t forget about us, the low && middle class of this country. We make up the majority of this nation and I`ve never felt like any president we had has helped us enough && given us what we need to better our life situations.
I hope that whoever was involved in this huge mark of history will be empowered and encouraged to break down barriers and work together towards a new, peaceful America.
One step at a time.

Remember all the people who fought so hard && risked their lives just to put that 15th amendment - the right to vote - onto the constitution .. all the people who dedicated their lives to change, and killed Jim Crowe, and fought on to the path of equality.
Every vote counts.

If you`re walking down the right path && you`re willing to keep walking, eventually you`ll make progress - Barack Obama

Fat

2008-10-25T18:00:00.000-07:00

The body you have is not good enough, and thin would be better.

I`m stuck

2008-10-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

in a rut. like always.
My emotions are all like mixxed up and stirred, but I don`t really know what exactly is to blame.
Partly cuz of my bf.
I love him to death && Sometimes, more often than not, I feel like he doesn`t love me.
I talked to him about it before. He says he just doesn`t show his emotions like that.
So what am I supposed to think or feel?
I can`t just be okay with that .. I`m a WOMAN. And I need to feel loved && appreciated by my man. I love him with every ounce of my body, heart, and soul and I will never hesitate to show him that.
He`s real different from the typical type of man I was looking for, but there`s really no problem with that .. We disagree alot .. Some of his characteristics personality-wise are things I really don`t like at all in a man, but I love him anyways .. Which I guess is the Libra in me, trying to keep in balance.
I have alot of patience, but I honestly don`t know how much longer I can hold on. I`ve been holding on for the past year && a half, fighting && not fighting, breaking up && getting back together.
Bottom Line .. I love him. He loves me, I know it but I don`t feel it. We disagree .. ALOT.
We have a million && one plans for the future, and plan on carrying them out.
I just want him to change, a little .. mabey a little more than that.
And I know I gotta change some of myself too.
I`m willing to do that for him .. No idea if he is willing to do that for me.
What`s wrong with shaping a man to what I want him to be?
I have all the faith and confidence in the world for us.

On a diff. note .. how do you get music up on this joint? I wanna know.
I wanna smoke a big ass bluntt.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope or confidence. - Helen Keller

Zzzz

2008-10-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

Looks like I didn`t get to sleep right when I got home ..
I met up with my boyfriend right after school and spent the rest of the day with him
Ahh .. we`re so opposite, but I still love him to death <3
Looks like I get to sleep now ..
Nitee =)

There is a crack in everything, That`s how the light gets in - Leonard Cohen

Hmm .. Update ..

2008-10-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

I realized i`m too busy to be keeping up this blog but i`m gonna do the best I can

It`s a grade anyways ..

Last Thurs. was my bday .. that was fun .. chilled/handled my business && did what I had to do.

I feel like I should have turned 17 years ago .. it`s like my mind and body is soo much older than the numbers say. This birthday wasn`t that important to me.

Yesterday I got my 1st Starbucks paycheck =)

After taxes that paycheck looked like shit man .. But we get alot of cool benefits .. free healthcare/dental, discounts on like everything, free drinks, food discounts, and college money .. && lord knows how bad I need that money for college.

Speaking of college .. i`m getting sick of it && I`m not even there yet. I just wanna go to any college that will take me and go from there. The education is the same everywhere to me. It`s what you make of it that enriches your learning.

I`ve been real stressed out and shit lately .. school takes up soo much time with college applications and homework .. plus I work at Starbucks and at the Farmers Market .. and Lynn has me doing all these events and stuff everywhere .. Trying to manage all that with friends/family/and a barely there boyfriend really gets to me. I have no time for myself because I`m always doing things for other people. That`s the way it`s always been, but i`m a libra .. it`s my nature to put others first. I guess it`s also my nature to take on a whole bunch of tasks and balance those out together .. Doing these things makes me happy, but sometimes I would like a chance to just relax and enjoy time. Quiet time.

I`m soo glad I don`t have to work today .. i`m just working 4 days this week at starbucks and one day at the market .. so i have 2 days off kinda .. after school.

Last week, I worked Monday through Friday right after school, 12 hours on Sat. and 12 hours on Sun. && had to deal with school .. which sucks.

I am working real hard at my jobs .. Shane && Gio said I would make a good manager, && Tome told me that Soon enough, Ridgewood market could me mine, and I would be the manager or like overseer of it =) And all that took me was 4/5 months. I love the job at the market, even though I know I gotta deal with rude ass people 24/7 I love it and I don`t wanna leave.

I know Starbucks isn`t like a career type job, but I wanna move my way up and prove that I am dedicated to the company and my job and just helping people. I plan on being manager one day .. you know how much they get paid? Alot. A whole lot.

I`m SOOO FUCKIN TIRED. So i`m gonna go straight home today && sleep!

yeah man.

I`ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom - Thomas Carlyle

One Mic

2008-10-14T10:06:00.000-07:00

Here I Am. 1st blog entry of my life. Ms. DJ said that this will be our homework for english class .. which works out for me cuz i`d rather type than write. I always wanted to start a blog but I was too damn lazy so at least she pushed me in the right direction .. I have no choice since it`s a homework grade. I might as well make the best of it since this is something I have to do ..
School is soo boring .. yeah, that`s just some typical high school shit that every kid says. Some stupid ass person stole the spacebar off this computer so I have to keep pressing the little ass button in the middle and it is SOO annoying. Who the hell steals computer keys? That`s madd retarded.
I have work today after school. I just started working at Starbucks && it`s not so bad. It`s money right? Considering I get health benefits, easy raises, and flexible hours, I`m set for a 17 yr. old. Actually, 17 This thursday. I`m still technically 16.
I`m tired, but I gotta deal .. I`ve always been pretty independent and I like it that way =)
Soo .. check me outt
I`m gonna be here 2 times a week at least, (homework requirements) mabey more.
I can say whatever the fuck I wanna say whenever I wanna say it && I`m cool with that cuz usually, I don`t speak my mind and say my real feelings as often as I should.

I`m outt && I`ll leave you with a cool quote ..

Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you`re a human being, you feel, you suffer. - Marilyn Monroe