Fat

The body you have is not good enough, and thin would be better.

I`m stuck

in a rut. like always.
My emotions are all like mixxed up and stirred, but I don`t really know what exactly is to blame.
Partly cuz of my bf.
I love him to death && Sometimes, more often than not, I feel like he doesn`t love me.
I talked to him about it before. He says he just doesn`t show his emotions like that.
So what am I supposed to think or feel?
I can`t just be okay with that .. I`m a WOMAN. And I need to feel loved && appreciated by my man. I love him with every ounce of my body, heart, and soul and I will never hesitate to show him that.
He`s real different from the typical type of man I was looking for, but there`s really no problem with that .. We disagree alot .. Some of his characteristics personality-wise are things I really don`t like at all in a man, but I love him anyways .. Which I guess is the Libra in me, trying to keep in balance.
I have alot of patience, but I honestly don`t know how much longer I can hold on. I`ve been holding on for the past year && a half, fighting && not fighting, breaking up && getting back together.
Bottom Line .. I love him. He loves me, I know it but I don`t feel it. We disagree .. ALOT.
We have a million && one plans for the future, and plan on carrying them out.
I just want him to change, a little .. mabey a little more than that.
And I know I gotta change some of myself too.
I`m willing to do that for him .. No idea if he is willing to do that for me.
What`s wrong with shaping a man to what I want him to be?
I have all the faith and confidence in the world for us.

On a diff. note .. how do you get music up on this joint? I wanna know.
I wanna smoke a big ass bluntt.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope or confidence. - Helen Keller

Zzzz

Looks like I didn`t get to sleep right when I got home ..
I met up with my boyfriend right after school and spent the rest of the day with him
Ahh .. we`re so opposite, but I still love him to death <3
Looks like I get to sleep now ..
Nitee =)

There is a crack in everything, That`s how the light gets in - Leonard Cohen

Hmm .. Update ..

I realized i`m too busy to be keeping up this blog but i`m gonna do the best I can

It`s a grade anyways ..

Last Thurs. was my bday .. that was fun .. chilled/handled my business && did what I had to do.

I feel like I should have turned 17 years ago .. it`s like my mind and body is soo much older than the numbers say. This birthday wasn`t that important to me.

Yesterday I got my 1st Starbucks paycheck =)

After taxes that paycheck looked like shit man .. But we get alot of cool benefits .. free healthcare/dental, discounts on like everything, free drinks, food discounts, and college money .. && lord knows how bad I need that money for college. 

Speaking of college .. i`m getting sick of it && I`m not even there yet. I just wanna go to any college that will take me and go from there. The education is the same everywhere to me. It`s what you make of it that enriches your learning.

I`ve been real stressed out and shit lately .. school takes up soo much time with college applications and homework .. plus I work at Starbucks and at the Farmers Market .. and Lynn has me doing all these events and stuff everywhere .. Trying to manage all that with friends/family/and a barely there boyfriend really gets to me. I have no time for myself because I`m always doing things for other people. That`s the way it`s always been, but i`m a libra .. it`s my nature to put others first. I guess it`s also my nature to take on a whole bunch of tasks and balance those out together .. Doing these things makes me happy, but sometimes I would like a chance to just relax and enjoy time. Quiet time.

I`m soo glad I don`t have to work today .. i`m just working 4 days this week at starbucks and one day at the market .. so i have 2 days off kinda .. after school.

Last week, I worked Monday through Friday right after school, 12 hours on Sat. and 12 hours on Sun. && had to deal with school .. which sucks. 

I am working real hard at my jobs .. Shane && Gio said I would make a good manager, && Tome told me that Soon enough, Ridgewood market could me mine, and I would be the manager or like overseer of it =) And all that took me was 4/5 months. I love the job at the market, even though I know I gotta deal with rude ass people 24/7 I love it and I don`t wanna leave.

I know Starbucks isn`t like a career type job, but I wanna move my way up and prove that I am dedicated to the company and my job and just helping people. I plan on being manager one day .. you know how much they get paid? Alot. A whole lot.

I`m SOOO FUCKIN TIRED. So i`m gonna go straight home today && sleep!

yeah man.

I`ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom - Thomas Carlyle

One Mic

Here I Am. 1st blog entry of my life. Ms. DJ said that this will be our homework for english class .. which works out for me cuz i`d rather type than write. I always wanted to start a blog but I was too damn lazy so at least she pushed me in the right direction .. I have no choice since it`s a homework grade. I might as well make the best of it since this is something I have to do ..
School is soo boring .. yeah, that`s just some typical high school shit that every kid says. Some stupid ass person stole the spacebar off this computer so I have to keep pressing the little ass button in the middle and it is SOO annoying. Who the hell steals computer keys? That`s madd retarded.
I have work today after school. I just started working at Starbucks && it`s not so bad. It`s money right? Considering I get health benefits, easy raises, and flexible hours, I`m set for a 17 yr. old. Actually, 17 This thursday. I`m still technically 16.
I`m tired, but I gotta deal .. I`ve always been pretty independent and I like it that way =)
Soo .. check me outt
I`m gonna be here 2 times a week at least, (homework requirements) mabey more.
I can say whatever the fuck I wanna say whenever I wanna say it && I`m cool with that cuz usually, I don`t speak my mind and say my real feelings as often as I should.

I`m outt && I`ll leave you with a cool quote ..

Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you`re a human being, you feel, you suffer. - Marilyn Monroe