better grab ya guns cuz i`m ready to die

i`m ready to die && nobody can save me

when i die fuck it i wanna go 2 hell
cuz ima piece of shit
it aint hard 2 fuckin tell
dont make sense goin 2 hell widd al lthe goodie goodies
dressed in white
i wear black tims && black hoodies
nigga

slavebucks

son i felt like my fuckin mom 2day out workin for like 12 hrs && then gotta to bum ass chinatown to get food for my sis cuz she graduated and i gotta get her somethin nice so i got her this chinese food she likes .. then i found khaalida bag at school and had to carry that shit all day so i was carrying like 4 bags and it was hot as hell .. i was sweating bullets and walking and all tired and old feeling man .. its horrible i can`t wait till one day all my hard work just pays off and i become rich so my mom can stop sweatshoppin && my pops can just sit back and enjoy life. he looks so tired all the time i feel like shit cuz i makeh im pick me up after work sometimes on his way home from work and he has to wake me up for school and he gotta do mom and dad respon sibliliyes
i just wish we coulda just been born into a hardworking rich ass family that would be nice ..
all these starbucks ppl got madd money dropping 100 dollar bills on the counter and when it comes to tip jar .. they jus drop the pennies and keep the silvers its like damn .. niggas gotta eat too man.
i swear i work so damn hard for that bitch ass company man i got callus and shit all over my hands and feet .. i be sweepin && moppin till my hand cramps
drink after drink and customers just bitch all the time like they cant wait 3 fucking minutes for their drink they gotta have it right now .. like wow
come on now

yearbook.

ok .. i`m a sap.
So .. we got yearbooks today ..
&& it`s really sad .. i`m not gonna lie.
leaving this school is a bittersweet moment.
after looking through the yearbooks i realize that i am really gonna miss more people than i thought.
it`s crazy how much i`ve grown these past 4 years.
i didn`t even think i was ever going to graduate .. && here it is staring me in the face, only a couple weeks away .. it`s fucking amazing.

anyways .. according to di signings ..
i concluded ..
1. i`m hella funny.
2. i`m gonna be somebody in life
3. everyone thinks i`m gonna do real great in college
4. i introduce niggas to weed .. && other.

lol.

i don`t know what i`m doing here.

Graduation is coming up very soon .. && i can just taste it ..
i`m so glad to be leaving this damn school.
yeah .. I met some great people here .. some people i hope to be friends with after HS .. but mostly, i also met some pretty horrible, ignorant people && it`s sad that our generation is growin up this way.
I hope we become a legacy, as the 1st graduating class of UAMA, but i hope not to become and example to the others waiting to follow in our footsteps .. cuz we were a fuckin horrible example of grown, mature college bound kids.
I am gonna miss the people I will lose in touch with that i wanted to stay in touch with .. but madd people are leaving to go to college out of city or state.
Ima just stay right here .. @ good old Brooklyn College.
I know i`m not in the least bit ready for college right now .. but when i get there in the fall .. best believe ima work my ass off && graduate with honors.
Neither of my parents graduated college .. my moms didn`t even go to high school ..
so i bet they`ll be damn well proud of me if they see me graduate .. && if they`re not oh well.

I just wanna make something of myself && prove EVERYONE wrong .. when everyone thought I was a good for nothin piece of shit .. when i was doin drugs && never went to school like a dumbass .. nobody thought i was gonna be anything or do anything with my life && i wanna prove niggas wrong

i`m not gonna become another statistic or victim to the streets type person .. ima rise up && make something of myself && be somebody.

I wish everyone at UAMA could feel && understand the potential they have .. if they just tried.
anyone && everyone at this school is capable of doing ANYTHING they put their mind to ..
&& i don`t mean to be all like sappy && cliche && Shit but its true.

when I was 14/15 .. My dream was to drop out .. && go to fuckin jobcorps or get my GED like all my friends .. chill on the streets && just enjoy life with my friends && my drugs.

After having to sleep on park benches && subway trains, beg for money, steal shit, && degrade yourself just for fuckin bags of drugs .. you get pretty tired of the streets real quick.

if i can do a complete 360 && actually be accepted to colleges .. anyone can do that shit ..


as long as you`re willing to put the damn effort into it.

i gave 2 do a post on this stuff

i worked from open to close on sunday .. that shit was od.
like 16/15 fuckin hours.

maryann hammers adds
"Caffeine addicts aren't the only fans of Starbucks, a corporate legend that serves up warm fuzzies with its cold frappuccinos. The company's rich benefit blend keeps turnover low and employee satisfaction high. And that's why it's the Optimas Award winner for Quality of Life. "

so .. at least i`m gettin benifits n shit from working. so i agree with her.
even though i work madd much.

so theres work n theres budd

Katt Williams - Weed
Uploaded by leprcn623

katt williams is hella funny

i don`t be havin the time to blog anymore man
idk what to even blog about
i`m too lazy to type shit
ms dj said we gotta put up pics so here we go

fuck man i cnt even put up a pic whats up with that
why is there no right click buttons on laptops
how the hell can u copy n paste shit without a right click button man

schol is mad wack i cant wait to get outta uama
i fuckin hate being here
its like wakin up everyday to a big ass ugly annoying like .. pimple everyday on your face man
u wanna pop that shit n get over it but u gotta wait
do that make sense

Back from texas.
so much to say .. too lazy to write.
i`ll keep it in for right now
=)

i`m not me anymore.
i`m a shell of what i used to be
i guess i`m changing
becoming a different person and learnin from this experiences
i can`t believe i let myself be the fool
and it aint never gonna happen again
that i let a man take control over my emotions again

i`m stuck in a rut.
whatever that means.

HSV-1 is the most commonly acquired form of herpes and is typically spread through a social kiss such as that of a family member. Due to the lack of immune response in children, new HSV-1 infections typically occur in childhood.
Update: "Recent research indicates that HSV 1 is probably not more easily acquired than HSV 2. And now, the average age of acquisition of HSV 1 is in the teens, rather than childhood" according to a licensed healthcare provider.

By the time that child reaches adulthood, they will be one of 50% of American’s living with HSV-1. By the time a person reaches the age of 50, they will be one of 80-90% of those who carry HSV-1.

damnn .. look around. i bet 1 out of every 2 people around you has herpes && doesn`t know it.

yoo .. i kinda wanna be skinny so i would look good doin drugs.
skinny skinny people look madd good doin drugs
i can`t explain it but its hot.

100 things to know about a woman

mancouch.

100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

96. Jewelry. Now you always know what to get her for a last-minute gift.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!” are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from K-Mart. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.”—Ginger, 27

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her “Gwen” might be bottled.

84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best BJ you’ve ever had.

78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.”—Alicia S, 21

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.”—Amanda, 31

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.”—Katie, 26

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man is between 5’10 and 6’2.

63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.”—Lauren, 35

58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,” - Erin 25.

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

51. Don’t call her “cute.” In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.” “Sexy,” OK. “Hot,” yes. “Fucking fine,” only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Gin and or Vodka helps.

45. Twenty-three percent of men’s magazine readers are women.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal, which some men are into, but I think is border line homosexual.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.”—Camille, 28

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

34. Chick songs strike a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Alicia Keys song. It’s only about four minutes long.

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Nasty!

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 26

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some strippers’ cleavage.

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

19. The more piercing she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.”—Amanda, 28

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

11. She likes one of your friends.

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oreal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.”

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. Five really means somewhere between 12 and 35

Are women still confusing and hard to figure out?

Sooo ...

Saturday is the semi-finals round of the urban word competition.
It`s at the Nuyorican poets cafe.
I didn`t even finish writing my poem.
&& I gotta memorize.
of course .. I could improvise the whole thing.
Which i think i might do.
wish me luck.
=)

When people have nothing better to say or just feel like they just need to say something (cuz they talk alot && like attention), they complain.

January 20th, 2009

i`m soo fuckin sickk =/
i got the chills && my throat feels like someone put a blowtorch on that shit.
scorched && dry.
&& that phlegm shit is choking me to death.

but the inauguration was fuckin amaziing.

I thought that you of all people would understand where i`m comin from.
I never lie to you.
And you told me not to hide things from you.
You wanted to know me.
I give it all to you and i trust you to understand && not judge me.
don`t throw it back in my face please.

A relationship means being able to understand one another.
No lies, no censorship.
We should be able to tell each other ANYTHING that is going on in our minds or hearts.
We need to be able to communicate together evenly.
The strongest relationships gotta without a doubt be able to withstand anything.
Any problem/roadblock/fight/argument .. anything at all.
I`ve been putting this in && committed to 110 fuckin percent.
but I feel so one-sided right now.

How the fuck can i use this blog to talk about how i really feel and think when people keep getting upset at shit?
isn`t this my blog? aren`t i able to talk about whatever the fuck i wanna talk about?
so i have to hold my tongue cuz people i love don`t wanna hear about it ?
what the fuck kinda shit is that ?
if they don`t wanna hear about it then who the fuck do i tell? myself?
but they wanna know whats going on .. they want me to be me .. the real me.
so why u gotta be do hypocritical ?
I have serious shit in my life i wanna talk about and you`re the one getting upset?
aren`t i supposed to be the upset one?
so you`re gonna get upset and make it sound like our relationship is in jeopardy. instead of helping me .. or talking to me about it like you said you wanted to.
smart move.
so now i have to wait almost a whole fucking month till you come back so we can talk about it ?
and what do i have to do .. sit here and worry. cuz you said i should be worried.
don`t we love each other? what happened to the support system we had?
i still love you.
i have no idea what`s going on in your head or your heart.
so please clue me in && let me know whats going on.
tell me you still care && don`t make it sound like we`re in jeopardy.
or did you leave all that levelheadedness in Brooklyn?

To everyone:
Don`t EVER tell me that I should be worried. About ANYTHING. Let me do that on my own.

HAPPY BiRTHDAY AMY <3
yay 4 restaurants with really really good food =D
&& phantom of teh opera.

i gotta head to work in 5 1/2 hours.
5:00 in the muthafuckiin morn.
and i just left from work 3 hours ago.
i been there since noon today.
that`s ODDD man
i got like 4 hours to go && sleep
now.
chill homiee

i`m procrastinating.
i never find time to write.
&& my eyes feel so heavy right now but i can`t sleep.
urban word semi finals thing is the 31st.
Nuyorican poets cafe.
3-6 PM.
i can`t use my poem cuz of wack ass content restrictions ..
how the fuck can you put censorship on poetry? on how you feel && what you think?
that`s wackk as HELL.
wackerr than like bum ass bus drivers that see someone running && drive away.
so i gotta like think of new material
and have it ready/willing/able and memorized by then.
i only get one chance at this.
i better make it count.

ms DJ wants me to do her essay.
i don`t wanna let her down.
college applications are due.
i gotta do those.
but i had to go to work today.
&& friday/saturday/sunday.
i needed those extra hours.
and now it`s 11 PM monday night && i didn`t do shit.
all this shit is like due tomorrow.
so instead of doing the work
i said fuck it && got high.
and i`ll put it off AGAIN till tomorrow.
that`s how i roll.

i`m so fuckin fat.
i`m tryin to go on a diet and it`s not workin ..
wtf am i supposed to do ?

Life really takes a toll on you ..

Yeah, it does ..
Mixing school, work, friends, family .. it`s too much sometimes. I don`t have time for myself and it sucks
I remember when all I used to do was chill with peoples and get high and shit
That was fun cuz I didn`t worry about anything.
Now it`s like .. damn .. what the fuck ?
I don`t wanna fuckin think anymore. Or anything.
I really need to take like a break or a vacation before I like blow a fuse or some shit man.
&& missing my boyfriend doesn`t help.
He won`t be back till like mid Feb. right before Valentines day.
I miss him but i`m glad I got a break from him && he got a break from me.
Even though I got a break from him .. I still don`t have a break for myself.
This shit is killing me man.
I have no energy to do anthing i really actually want to do.

Resolutions ..

My resolutions for the new year ..

Take better care of my body.
As in .. get in shape .. be healthy .. all that good stuff.
Lose weight like every other person`s resolution is.

Don`t smoke anything.

Cuz that shits just bad for you ..

Work on managing my stress.
Cuz I worry too much for my own good, and that takes a huge toll on my life.
I can`t get shit done or enjoy anything when i`m worried.

Stop being scared ..
&& just live life. I don`t know why the fuck I was being all scared this year ..
Didn`t wanna take risks cuz I thought I was going to fuck up. I can`t do anything right
Which also leads into my next resolution ..

Try to be more confident && better self - esteem.

Cuz I guess deserve better and I am better, right?

Drink Less or don`t drink at all.
I have no control over my drinking && I have no self control at all when i`m drunk.
That shit can be scary sometimes man. I hate waking up not knowing what happened or how I got there. I gotta either have to know when enough is enough or not drink at all.
&& I bet those AA meetings suck anyways .. Who the hell wants that to be their last resort?

Think about me.
Cuz I`m too busy tending to everyone else && no one helps me. So I should do myself a favor && help myself every now && then.

Slow down.
I need to like .. stop && smell the roses .. take the time to enjoy life. I need to let go && live.

Yeah so that looks like a good list .. && it will keep me busy for a while .. let`s see how many I can follow through on ..
Actually .. I should also ..

Learn to follow through on goals && "promises" I make for myself.

&& happy belated new year ..
too bad i didn`t remember mine.
i was drunk as hell.

I got a whole bunch of new years resolutions .. but they`ll probably won`t work anyways